Getting to Know Fears and Phobias

A person’s fear can hinder his chances for development and for success. Fear in itself can be debilitating and can limit a person’s ability to go through life in a healthy way. Sometimes, a person’s fear can rule a person’s life and he becomes bereft of reason.

A person who allows his fear to rule his life can be prevented from leading a normal life. The sad fact is that the person who has the fear is not the only one affected, but also his family, friends, and the people around him.

Fear can be healthy because it allows a person to be on his toes and to be watchful of what is happening around him. A person can actually make his fears work for him instead of against him. Then again, this requires a lot of self-control and positive thinking.

A person’s fear can be caused by an event that happened some time ago, or by a belief that he is not capable of dealing with something or someone. There are fears that have a real basis, but most fears are just the creations of one’s imagination.

Phobia is also a fear of something, but such fear can be considered irrational. A phobia can be ridiculous and exaggerated such as a person’s fear of cats or of water. Some people who have developed phobias are aware that the fear is not based on rational thinking; but unfortunately, they are not able to get hold of their emotions and rise above their irrational fear.

Some people are quick to equate phobia with insanity; but it is not fair to conclude that just because a person is phobic, it means that there must be something wrong with his sanity. A person’s phobia can sometimes be embarrassing, especially when he is not able to control such fear. There are people who actually shiver and hide when confronted with their phobias.

Phobias can be simple like the simple fear of being in an enclosed area, or complex like the fear of riding an airplane. A social fear can be manifested in the fear of public speaking or of being surrounded by a crowd. Most phobias are characterized by panic attacks such as when the person is confronted by his phobia and he is forced to come face-to-face with it.

It is normal to be afraid because fear is rational. However, a fear that becomes irrational and is already without basis, is already called a phobia. It is no longer normal and can disrupt a person‘s lifestyle.

A person who wants to get rid of his phobia should not turn to doctors who dig deeper just to discover the root cause of the phobia. Such an activity can be a waste of time because finding the underlying cause of the phobia will not get rid of it. What is more important is to be determined and strong-willed so that the person’s fears will no longer rule his emotions. If a person can learn how to handle his emotions, then he can get rid of his phobia.

BY TARUN

How to Deal with People to Get What You Want

People communicate with each other in various ways for a lot of reasons. And one of these reasons is when you need something from someone. For people in business, this can either be in the form of products or services. You may want to sell a product while the other party must find your product useful for his intention. You may want to offer your services while the other party must be satisfied with the services you render according to his needs. In short, the way to get somebody or anybody to do what you want is to make them want to do it.

To get something you want through intimidation or violence is to invite trouble. Yes, it’s possible but not advisable to use forceful methods because the results are undesirable and at times disastrous. Imagine if you force an employee to take a leave of absence for having apparently violated a company rule. The relationship between management and the employee, or perhaps between management and union (if the employee is a member of it), is likely to be severed.

To get what you want, give people what they want. Just what do people want? Physical health, family ties, financial security, spiritual growth, peace of mind, a successful career, and fame are the basic needs of people. There is one important yet intangible thing everybody wants and that is appreciation. Being appreciated and complimented makes a person feel important. When you feel important, you feel needed and wanted, and this gives you a whole lot of reason for existence.

Just how do you give somebody the feeling of importance? Say it, act it; just give it freely, honestly, and wholeheartedly. As literal as it is, saying how appreciative you are for a favor received, makes the other person feel important. You may not be able to describe exactly in words the feeling of importance when you’re in the shoes of the recipient. But definitely, what you can not describe is real and priceless.

Pre-empt importance. Give some sort of sign to the other person that what you want from him, will make him feel important. Let’s take charity for example. A recipient wants or needs contributions from the giver. It can either be material or service contribution, or both. Even before the act itself, the giver somehow expects appreciation from the recipient and this will give him a boost of importance. Appreciation may not necessarily be in words. A smile and/or a pat would suffice and they can come from both giver and recipient. The giver shows his feeling of being appreciated. The recipient shows his feeling of appreciation for the gift. Somehow magic or chemistry takes place. It’s a feeling both parties would enjoy happening many times over.

Are you aware that the feeling of importance, brought about by compliments and appreciation, is good for your health, mentally and physically? Whether you are the giver or recipient, it is good for both. There are medical findings that substantiate health effects brought about by positive emotions like compliments and appreciation. Frequent doses of the feeling of importance activate the brain cells and various harmonies in the body that promote good health. To put it plainly, the feeling of importance is the antioxidant of life.

Can you think of a better way to nourish other people’s feelings than to show your concern and appreciation? Well, you can show something better than appreciation, and that is - a truckload of appreciation.

You know what you and I and everybody else should be doing right now? We should go out there and show our feeling of appreciation to everything and everybody. Let’s go!

BY TARUN

How to Make Others Like You

One of the basic needs of man is to feel accepted. Knowing this is the secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships with various types of people.

A number of books, articles and seminars have taken the role of educating people like you on the different ways of associating with people and building lasting relationships with them. There are several things that you can do when associating with other people.

One of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of man’s basic needs is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Man feels the sense of belonging in either small groups like a family and small circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments and parties.

People have to feel they belong and are needed. One way to convey acceptance of people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the message that their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance.

Have you ever been in any of the following situations?

-     While sharing an important insight, somebody would finish the sentence for you.

-     While narrating what happened over the weekend, somebody would butt in and narrate a similar story.

-     In a meeting, the boss would cut you short while you are still explaining your side.

-     You ask your child about his day in school and he runs straight to his room.

-     You wanted to discuss something with your spouse but he is busy watching football.

How did you feel? Not good, right? It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.

At the onset of life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends, teachers, peers, bosses, officemates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.

Imagine a life with total absence of acceptance. Envision the life of babies who were abandoned by their mothers. Imagine the effect this will have on the babies’ emotional well-being. It is very possible that these kids will grow up dejected and feeling discriminated. The effects of discrimination can result to resentment and, if uncontrolled, can result to violent tendencies.

The feeling of resentment that is harbored overtime can escalate to anger and hostility. When a person becomes hostile, violence erupts. Resentment is like a forest fire - it can turn wild especially when fanned with more resentments. The mere civil act of accepting a person “can make or break them,” as the saying goes.

Acceptance must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return. There should be no “no strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the future.

Unconditional acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time, you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person whom you have accorded respect and acceptance.

Be willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as well.

BY TARUN

How To Use Affirmation Properly

“I am, therefore I exist,” is a phrase affirming one’s existence as a being. It may be a simple phrase, but it says everything about the being saying them. It indicates a confidence not commonly found among other beings.

But why do people need affirmation? Why do beings need to be affirmed? Is existence relative to one’s affirmation?

Affirmation is a very powerful technique to empower one’s subconscious. Once the subconscious is disciplined to believe one’s affirmation, the latter is converted into a positive action for the conscious mind. Through affirmation, beings are empowered to do, to work, and to strive for more things. Affirmation allows people to believe in themselves and to put their thoughts into action.

Affirmation is a combination of verbal and visual techniques of a preferred state of mind of a person. Strong affirmations can be very powerful, and can be used by almost anyone to achieve his goals and fulfill his desires. However, the power of an affirmation depends on how strong or weak an affirmation is. 

Affirmation is merely an assertion made by a person, about something or about a state of being. A person can affirm those that he chooses to attain, like “I now have a good life.” Being healthy in mind, body, and spirit can also be made possible through affirmation.

A strong affirmation should be stated in the present tense to be more effective. An affirmation of “I am now a happy being” is more effective than an affirmation saying, “I am going to become a happy being.” Affirmation should always be in positive terms because it is supposed to work for you and not against you. Instead of saying, “I am not sad,” why not make an affirmation saying, “I am happy.”  

An affirmation should be made up of simple but concise words, and it should be short to be more effective. A very long affirmation can work the other way around, instead of creating a positive mindset for a person. A short affirmation can be easily spoken and repeated by a person. It can serve as a mantra that can be repeated over and over again.

To be effective, an affirmation must be repeated. Repetition works and influences the subconscious, which in turn motivates the person into acting out his affirmation. A person who creates the affirmation should be deeply involved with the words he will be using, so he will be able to actualize his affirmation. Writing words that one believes in can be very powerful, and this can be put to good use when creating an affirmation.

However, creating an affirmation alone and repeating them a million times would not make the affirmation a state of mind. The important thing is to live one’s affirmation and to be open-minded enough to do the things that would help the affirmation become a reality. Feeling the affirmation and applying it in one’s life will help in making the affirmation a reality.

While affirmation is generally used to make an individual better, it can also be used to boost or confirm another person’s value. By affirming another person‘s existence, you are helping him improve his self-worth. 

Affirmation is a very simple thing that can make a very big difference in a person‘s life. It can be a great motivator and can make things happen. 

BY TARUN

Giving Your All

The act of giving your very best to the needy can likewise cultivate the best emotional satisfaction in your heart. Whatever form of help you extend, be it service or something of value, you will undoubtedly receive something better in return.

Is there anything better than a simple “thank you” that is meant with sincerity? Is there anything better than an appreciation that makes you feel needed and important? Is there anything better than to see smiles on other people’s faces for having made them feel equally important and cared for?

If your physical resources are limited, you can put your talent or creativity to work. Your urge to help those in need should inspire you to find ways in accumulating resources to actualize your intention. You can come up with ideas to generate more money through fund raising programs. You may also give more of your time doing volunteer service.

In the process of giving your all, your cooperation, attention, and entire being need not be strained. You may get physically exhausted; but emotionally, you will be charged with a heart full of compliments, making you feel all-important. You will feel revitalized and invigorated. You will become more enthusiastic. All these occur because you love what you’re doing.

When you set your mind to work for a good cause, you are actually tapping and activating power that promotes health in every corner of your physical, psychological, and emotional being. Your emotions will run high in a positive manner. You will feel sentimentally contented with what you are doing. You will feel as though you’re the highest paid executive in the business; not because you’re being paid with money, but because you’re being paid with your own sense of fulfillment.

Oh yes………….when you give your all, the best will bounce back to you.

BY TARUN

Job-Loving Tips for Employers and Employees

“I hate this job!” You hear this often from people who are not satisfied with the job they hold. But they can’t take this thing called “job” away from them because it brings food to the table, buys them clothes and shoes to keep them in fashion, buys medicine to keep them healthy, and pays for almost everything they need on a day-to-day basis. Technically, it’s ironic that something like a “job” would be hated by so many people when it can bring them many benefits.

       

Psychologically, if you hate your job, it only means it’s something you do against your will. Anything that resists a flow makes the flows difficult. Similarly, anything that assists a flow makes the flow move faster.

Equating this with the way you may think about your job, if you put “love” instead of “hate” to your job, work becomes easier for you. This will make you more productive. The company will profit more. As a result, they will pay you more. Then, everybody becomes happy.

If you are the employer, you can also do many positive changes that will benefit your employees. In the end, you will be the biggest beneficiary of this change.

You can start by putting up slogans around the walls of the workplace. These slogans may promote unity and harmony between management and staff where everyone will benefit out of it. These slogans may suggest positive attitudes that will form part of their work habits. There is power in words. These words, once written on slogans, will guide your staff to change in positive ways. It would be wise to turn these words into action. In time, the “I hate this job” chant becomes “I love this job”. This improvement in work attitude will be reflected in turnover of employees. As an employer, you will find less people leaving the company and more employees being satisfied.

Visitors visiting your company will be impressed with the slogans you place on the walls of your work place. So make them as meaningful as possible.

If you’re the employee, you must make a change in the way you think about your job. It cannot be denied that hating or loving a job has a lot to do with the way you treat it.

There are many instances wherein an employee does not see the good side of his job until he has left or lost it. You need not wake up one morning to this kind of scenario. To avoid this, let the good side of keeping your job pervade your thoughts.

Here’s another formula to make you love your job. Treat your job as though you are doing voluntary work. Think of your job as though you are helping the needy without expecting anything in return. You will be astonished with the result it will bring to your heart, health, and pocket. Treating your job as a volunteer work makes you work wholeheartedly, without any resistance.

It’s either you keep your job or you don’t. Hating it is not an option.

BY TARUN

Learn to Set Goals

There are those who are bounded by laws and rules, yet success is too distant for them. On the other hand, there are those who appears to be easy going people but are successful. Think you have what it takes to be like them? Or would you rather do something different to achieve the elusive success? Take heart and set your goals.

What do goals represent by the way? These are actually representations of your visions about you and your future. Goals should be achievable and realistic. These kinds of goals allow you to put them into practice or at least do some activities that allow you to monitor your progress. However, more is involved in just merely setting realistic goals. Remember that in order to achieve your goals, you must act according to your goals. Otherwise, all else would be vanity if you do not exert effort in reaching them. The following will help you set achievable goals:

1.     Enhance your skills in achieving targeted goals by setting objectives, as well as standard and optional activities that will help you meet your goals.

2.     Strategize and take risks in meeting your goals. Strategic thinking is very important because this will allow you to be productive and focus on the activities according to your goals.

3.     Act in accordance to your goals. Proper mind setting is very important in achieving your goals. Take the extra mile. Try taking risks but never compromise your safety. Taking risks means that you are ready to learn new things and challenges that will help you in the long run.

On one hand, you may wonder why there is a need for you to set goals if you think you have not failed at all in your endeavors. Remember that setting goals does not mean that you always fail. Setting goals means that you are acknowledging your limitations and you are ready to work your way up towards success, professionally or personally. It is for this reason why objective goals matter.

Moving forward, you also have to consider that there are goals that are just too hard to achieve on your own. At times, these goals even create conflicts that you might think of surrendering in the long run. Take heart. Everybody have similar concerns at times. If this situation occurs and you think that surrendering is the last option, why not look for a partner, a friend maybe who is willing to help you out with your goals? Collaborate with your prospective partner and learn to prioritize.  If it requires spending time in plotting all the possibilities, both the pros and cons, try it.

Remember that goal setting is focused on your benefits. So try working things out and focus, focus, and focus. Minimize or avoid distractions if possible so you can work your goals better. Work that proper mindset for a clearer vision of you achieving those valuable goals. If you are vying for promotion in your workplace, it is important that you see yourself already in the position you want. If you are aiming for a personal or educational goal, make things happen by planning and doing things related to your goals. You will then realize that goals, no matter how difficult they may appear, are still valuable to consider. Once your goals are achieved, sweet success knocks on your door commending you for a job well done.

BY TARUN